I learn that Panda is a better ‘mom’ than me He bathes Cimot, changes his diapers, plays with him, rocks him to sleep, does the laundry & dishes, and cleans the house. Good thing he doesn’t have functional breasts or I would have been made redundant.

I learn that Panda can sleep right next to his bawling baby and doesn’t move a muscle. When he does move, he will reassuringly pats my arm or his bolster with his eyes still closed, rolls over and continues snoring. And he still has the guts to complain that I’m nasty to him at nighttime.

I learn that converting breasts from decorative objects to functional objects is a painful process, especially if you also have stitches, piles, and you feel like you just run a marathon. Imagine how it feels if you suddenly suck your fingers for 12 hours each day, everyday. In those early days, each night I was tempted to send Panda to any 24-hour store that sells formula milk and give my poor nipples a rest.

I learn that I can be very, very hormonal. Little things like staring at Cimot’s peaceful sleeping face, can bring tears to my eyes. Couple that with bigger things like doubting myself if I have enough milk, or the frustration when Cimot refused to latch, or from the sore nipples, I was practically crying all nights.

I learn that I may still need to wake up every 1.5 - 2 hours round the clock for few more months. Books and articles I read suggest that most breastfed babies tend to sleep through the night later than bottle-fed babies (EBM or formula) Plus, we still don’t have the heart to do the cry-it-out (or controlled crying, whatever it’s called) although the temptation is always there at 4am in the morning.

I learn that one of the reason I still don’t pump until now may be because I’m jealous if someone else beside me can feed Cimot The other reason is me being lazy

I learn that few day’s worth of breastmilk in baby’s tummy can produce lethal gas. Cimot moved from pooping few times a day, to once a day, to once every 4 days, to not pooping after week! His fart is getting smellier and smellier PD said it’s normal and we should not worry, but we are more worry that if Cimot farts in public place, his mommy and daddy get the blame Come on Cimot, poop!

I learn that there is such thing as projectile poop

PS.
But please, please, please let mama and papa get some sleep, ok?

Take your pick

Now that’s the true Olympic spirit! Read this and this to get the whole story.

As seen from my doula’s point of view. It’s a bit more graphic than my own version so read at your own risk.

Thank you for having me as your Doula and to be part of this beautiful journey to welcome Cimot into the world. Here is the story of The Journey.

4.07.08

11.27am - Daddy SMSes
Hi Ginny. The surge is now happening every 3 mins but there is still no bowel movement. Is it normal? Baby moving through?

11.31am - Daddy SMSes
No show. She is ok I guess, sometime can sleep in between surge this morning. The pain is more on her back when she lie down.

12.44pm - Daddy SMSes
More show. Pee more often. Surges around 2.5 to 3 mins.

12.47pm - Daddy SMSes
No bowel yet. She currently sit on the ball resting her head on pillows. Tried all fours but not comfortable.

1.26pm - Daddy SMSes
The pain intensify but still no bowel. Do you mind to drop by?

1.29pm - Daddy SMSes
Ok thanks

2.38pm
I arrived at your parent’s flat. Mommy is in the bedroom, and the room is all dark. Mommy is lying on her side and Daddy is giving her pressure on her hips everytime she gets a surge. She reported that they tried several positions but with side lying, she only felt pressure on her back and not both. Mommy is a silent Hypnobirther. In the dark, it was hard to tell when she was having a surge.

I am worried that you were in posterior position and asked to feel her belly, gentling touching and from my experience the labor is indicative of either malpositioning or malpresentaiton. Yet her belly seemed nicely rounded so I suggested laboring standing up placing one leg on a stool to form a right angle to make space in the pelvis, and alternating with the other leg.

3.30pm
Mommy reports that surges are getting more intense. I told her that that is a good sign and that she is coping very well.

She is calm and quiet, signaling Daddy to place pressure on her sacrum whenever a surge comes and Daddy would do so.

As there wasn’t much that I could do at that point, I waited in the living room and took a break. Daddy came out to ask about the bowel movement sensation as a sign of progress.

4.38pm
I went back into the room to check on Mommy, still doing fine in the same position, so I went out again and within a few minutes Daddy called me back.

Mommy was concerned about her progress and asked based on my experience what I thought was happening. I asked her when she would like to go to the hospital and she said she doesn’t know.

I said based on her signs it is good that she has mucus plug and more show coming out. I also take it as a good sign that surges are regular and intense. My concern was that either she was coping very well that I could not sense the intensity from the way she was breathing, which is an indication that she could well be in active labor or she could be in early labor especially with no bowel movement sensation. I reassured her that she would eventually feel the bowel movement sensation and that over time surges would get more intense.

I asked if she could go on all fours for a while on the birth ball. She seemed reluctant at first but decided to give it a go.

I encouraged her to drink something sweet and Daddy went down to buy drinks. She had half a glass of Ribena but felt sick soon after, perhaps too big of a gulp.

After a while her knees hurt so she went back on all lying on her side.

From the shape of her belly, positioning seems good. Perhaps it is just a case of a long early labor.

5.35pm
Mommy expressed fears that she won’t be able to take it anymore if intensity increases. I reassured her that she is doing fine and Daddy is also being very supportive. I suggested that she goes into the shower to freshen up and she was reluctant to do so initially, but eventually went into the shower.

6.01pm
I asked if she found the shower helpful and she said she did.

6.20pm
I went down to get dinner.

6.35pm
Mommy had some porridge in the shower with Daddy feeding her and said she did not want to get out of shower.

7pm
She came out of shower and vomits everything out, during which she found that she prefers to labor standing and leaning over toilet bowl. Daddy said that they might go to the hospital soon because Mommy is not feeling your movements. I called the hospital and room 6 is available. Mommy does not seem to want to leave yet.

7.36pm
Daddy called for a cab.

8pm
We arrived at the hospital.

8.15pm
An internal check showed that she is 5cm dilated with her cervix thinned out. Daddy went on to do admissions.

8.30pm
CTG was removed and Mommy went to the toilet to vomit and sits back on the bed.

9.30pm
Dr. Paul came.

9.56pm
She vomits again.

10.27pm
Mommy reports that surges are getting more intense and opts to go into the tub.

10.50pm
Mommy feels too hot and wants to come out of the tub but to avoid shivering when out of the water, I advised her to stay in the tub and added more cold water to the tub with cold face towels.

11pm
Mommy requested for ice water and nurse came in to check the heart rate. All good.

11.08pm
Mommy came out of tub and went to the toilet.

11.14pm
Mommy starts moaning and obviously prefers to labor standing over the toilet. Now she decides to straddle the toilet seat. It has been a while since I have seen someone labor in the position. Trust one innate’s wisdom to know what to do.

11.30pm
I set up the rest of the room with foam mats but the birthing stools are all missing??!!

5.07.08

12am
Mommy asked for gas and I encouraged her to go back into tub.

12.10am
From the way she moaned during surges, it sounds like she is pushing - probably her waterbag is bulging.

12.57am
I went to notify Nurse Pei Pei when there was heavy show. Mommy said it was pee and I suggested that we check since the last internal check was 5 hours ago. She was 8cm dilated, waters intact and your head position is still high. Surges slow down during CTG run.

1.25am
Waters leaking over toilet bowl.

1.29am
She goes back into the tub.

1.40am
She comes out of the tub and asked for gas because she is tired. I persuaded her to lie on her side on the bed to rest as gas might cause more nausea.

2.22am
She asked for gas again. I persuaded her to have another internal check and to allow Nurse Pei Pei to leave her fingers in during surges to see if she is breathing down correctly. There was an anterior lip and Nurse Pei Pie, as much as she could, pushed it away and reports little remaining. Spontaneous rupture of membranes occurred after Nurse Pei Pei removed her fingers. Mommy got off the bed to labor in the sitting and squatting position.

3.02am
Mommy asked if there is progress and I reported that her vulva was bulging.

3.15am
I suggested standing to labor to see if gravity will help you to descend, still no sign. Mommy goes to the toilet to vomit more water out.

3.39am
Mommy asked for vacuum as she was getting exhausted, so Dr. Paul was called in.

3.50am
Dr. Paul came, vacuum was applied and shortly after, you slipped out into this world at 4am, weighing 3.865kg, with a head circumference of 36cm and 51cm long. You were blissful in Mommy’s arms – Welcome Cimot!

“And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to Us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their soul dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

The Prophet – Kahlil Gibran

Literally.

He pooed while I was changing his nappy.
Gross-o-meter:

He pooed on the towel while we were drying him after bath.
Gross-o-meter:

He pooed on Panda’s t-shirt when Panda was transporting him from the changing mat to the tub (the changing mat is right next to the tub)
Gross-o-meter:

He pooed in the tub while we were bathing him. Twice.
Gross-o-meter:

His diaper leaked after he let go one massive and explosive poo, which caused the said object to flow onto my lap and the sofa.
Gross-o-meter:

Oh, the joy of parenting

After exactly 39 weeks, Cimot decided it’s time to meet his parents.

It started on Friday, July 4 …

I woke up in the middle of the night with a dull backache. Few minutes later, the backache came again, then again. Not knowing what contraction feels like, I started to wonder if this was it or if it’s just false alarm. A while later, I went to the loo and found the mucus plug. Hmm .. should I tell Panda or should I wait until morning? Decided to tell Panda anyway and still half asleep, he wrote down the time. It was 5.50am.

Not wanting to get too excited, we tried to go back to sleep but it’s not easy to sleep while having backache. Finally at around 8am Panda went downstairs to buy breakfast and a kiddie digital watch from the stationery shop. Yep, only at that time we realized we didn’t have anything to time the contractions What surprised me was the contractions were already coming every 5 minutes apart and lasted for about 1 minute each. Both of us didn’t really know what to do as it could still be false labor. However, even at this stage I need Panda to put pressure on my lower back at each contraction. So kamehameha it was for him for few hours …

Later we called our doula, Ginny, who told us to watch for other signs such as the urge to pass motion or waterbag leaking but I felt none of that, just backache. Around lunch time, the contractions were around 3 minutes apart and getting more intense. So we asked Ginny to come over. She stayed with us and suggested different positions to get Cimot move down faster, and also suggested using hot shower for pain relief. I didn’t feel like going to the shower but I was glad I did because it helped and I stayed there for quite a long time (according to Panda. I already lost track of time).

Only when Ginny offered to buy us dinner that I realized it’s already evening. Didn’t feel like eating anything but forced myself to 4 spoonfuls of fish porridge while still sitting in the shower. Alas, that’s when I found out I couldn’t keep anything down and threw up everything I had since morning. Even plain water made me nauseous. That’s very frustrating because I was really really thirsty but couldn’t drink too much. Throwing up while having contraction is really no fun, trust me

As it’s been more than 12 hours, we decided to go to the hospital. At least we could find out how far along I was. So we called a cab, went downstairs, and hopped on to the cab only to find out we hopped into the wrong cab Dammit! I had to ask the driver “Uncle, wait ah. Wait until this one is over”. Then we got out and waited for our cab. The correct one. Then, just like in a comedy movie, the driver didn’t know the way to the hospital and drove like an F1 racer. Really feel like shoving my Birkis up his behind

Reached the hospital at around 8.30pm and went directly to the labor ward. Did the mandatory 20 minutes CTG and VE, and find out I was halfway aka 5cm dilated. Frankly I expected more than that but at least I’m in active labor already. I stayed on the bed for a while, then moved into the hot tub. Good thing that my waterbag was not yet broken as otherwise I couldn’t use the tub.

For the next few hours I moved between the tub, the toilet (to throw up), on and off the bed. I already felt the urge to push but felt that I wasn’t making any progress. And no sign of my waterbag breaking, not even leaking. At the next VE, I was already 8cm. I was getting quite tired at this time, and a bit frustrated because I really craved for cold water but could only take a small sip each time just enough to wet my mouth and throat. In the toilet, I told Ginny that I wanted to use gas but she managed to talk me out of it and we tried the tub again. After staying in the tub for a while, I asked for gas for the second time and Ginny suggested another VE. She said if I was almost fully dilated, perhaps we could try other options. Plus the gas might make me more nauseous. Well, that’s enough to make me back out. I don’t need more vomiting, thank you. Turned out that I was almost fully dilated but waterbag still stubbornly refused to break until assisted by the nurse. I didn’t know what she did but she didn’t even use the hook. Go nurse!

After that, however, I still didn’t feel much progress and desperately wanted Cimot to be out. Around 3.30am, I asked if I could use vacuum at this stage so the nurse called Dr. Paul to come and I had to move back to the bed. Dr. Paul came quickly at around 3.45am (bless you, doctor) and started to prepare the vacuum and whatnot. For a split second, when I saw the vacuum I almost backed out. It looks like one you use in the toilet But what the heck, anything to get Cimot out! Dr. Paul was kind enough to ask if I want to do a few tries without the vacuum as he knows I didn’t want assisted delivery in my birth plan. Agreed to that but after 2 failed attempts, he decided to use the vacuum while I still have the energy to push.

The things that happened after that were a blur to me. In went the vacuum, Ginny and a nurse on my left, Panda and another nurse on my right, Dr. Paul at .. where else, lots of cheerleading, and the next thing I knew, Cimot was finally out. Actually I didn’t know he was out if not for someone (I think the nurse) commented about something I now can’t remember. Then the wet, naked, chubby blob was placed on my tummy. He blinked few times, cried, stopped, blinked again, then cried again, perhaps disappointed that we were no Brad and Angelina After that, these things happened in a non-chronological order: Panda got the honor of cutting the cord, which he said felt like a plastic hose, placenta was out (meatloaf, anyone?), Dr. Paul quickly did repair works down there, the nurse injected something on my thigh to prevent bleeding, and we tried to get Cimot to latch. He didn’t want to, so I let the nurse weighed and measured him. He’s 3.865kg, 51cm long, and his head circumference was 36cm, which is larger that the average 34cm. No wonder it’s darn hard to get him out. The second attempt to get him to latch was successful so we stayed in the labor ward for another hour before they wheeled me to the maternity ward.

Looking back, the whole thing still feels surreal to me, even the 39 weeks of pregnancy. Frankly I don’t know how I could go through it all. Seems like only yesterday (okay, maybe not yesterday but recently) I found out I was pregnant and now life is no longer just about the two of us. Will I do it again? Not so soon but probably yes.

Probably yes.

… as the day that I lied down, Cleopatra style, in the fitting room inside Kiddy Palace

Go to a beach resort. Swim in the cool swimming pool. Eat nasi goreng at pool side. And sip the pina colada. Read a good book by the poolside. Hop over to the spa. Have BBQ seafood dinner (and eat a LOT!).

What I’m doing now …
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Persuade Cimot to stop pummeling my tummy for a while. Breathe in. Breathe out. Say one full sentence without huffing and puffing. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Cimot is 3.1kg now , already head down, and all his limbs are all facing front. No wonder it feels like carrying an alien lately, he’s been clawing my tummy day and night. Wrong direction, Cimot! Exit is not that way!

After months of practicing, my tummy can pose by itself in pictures. Owner not needed. Next time it has photo session maybe I can quickly go downstairs and eat ice kachang.

neutron